~~~TiFfY~~~  

A Little About Me...
Redneck Man's pick up lines: 1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away. 2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special. 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in. 4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out. 5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em. 6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole. 7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away. 8) Man - "Fat Penguin!" Woman - "WHAT?" Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice." 9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock. 10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room. 11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner. 12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon. and.... the best for last! 13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

TO ALL THE MEN WHO SEND BLONDE JOKES

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And my personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

What I'm Looking For...
A guy from Kentucky passed away and left his entire estate to his Beloved widow, but she can't touch it till she's 14. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I got a leak in my sink," and the Clerk replies, "Go ahead." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How can you tell if a Kentucky redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his Pickup truck. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Kentucky to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-64 and says to The driver, "Got any I.D.?"and the driver replies " 'Bout wut?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The governor's mansion in Kentucky burned down! Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total Loss too. Both books - poof! up in flames, and he hadn't even finished Coloring one of them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A new law was recently passed in Kentucky. When a couple gets Divorced, they are STILL cousins. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ahh, the answer to the eternal question, "What do women really want?"

You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make!

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"

The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

The teacher fainted.

my interests:  none      [my posse can tag me] [the tag cloud]