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A Little About Me...
I washed my hands with gasoline last night. That's how dangerous I am. Tonight I'm going to gargle with kerosene. While smoking. PCP. Standing on a tight rope.

My interests include mermaids, time travel, reading, starships and sipping absinthe.

I'm not a racist, but I eat white gummy bears first.

If I meet an untimely demise, I request that my body be cremated and my ashes spread from a helicopter atop the Thunder Over Louisville crowds.

I love to travel, but no longer do it enough.

I've spent more time in jail than church.

My friends call me governer or "gov" for short.

Jack Nicholson almost hit me in a gas station parking lot.

Clancy lives with a Hungarian! (edit: as of 3/4/4, this is no longer true)

I'm a web developer. I program this web site. I enjoy it and mostly do it because it keeps me close to Rand. And for the chicks.

I like exchanging wild stories of ridiculous adventures from days gone by.

The wildest night of my life took place in the Czech Republic and involved far too much absinthe, Moroccan dope, a shrooming Irishmen, getting naked in a park with a lovely girl from South Carolina, the inability to climb a bunk bed, a drunken bluesman from Louisiana rocking out in a dungeon hundreds of years old, nearly setting a bar on fire, gypsies selling oregano disguised as marijuana, hysteria, confusion, and great times.

I laugh more than anyone I know. I laugh when I find something funny, I laugh when I'm freaked out, I laugh at my own absent mindedness. My favorite things to laugh at are unintentional comedy and the absurdity of life. And I laugh at yo mama, who is so poor that ducks throw bread at her in the park.

I inherited my dad's irritability, but not his green thumb.

A priest, a rabbi, and a muslim cleric walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship tha

What I'm Looking For...
Inbred mutant cannibals from Appalachia. Perfect harmony and a final four run. Eternal life. Maybe a new guitar. Help in getting over my irrational but very real fear of sea monsters. Beautiful, leggy women who are too young to know better but too old to be jailbait. SERENITY NOW!

I'm looking for someone high maintenance. Someone who will nag the hell out of me over things I don't care about. Someone shallow, really really shallow. Someone who will hate all of my friends and get mad when I watch football. Someone who hates to laugh with no self esteem would be great. Someone always down on herself and others would be even better! Bonus points if you forget my birthday. Someone who lets life pass her by. Someone who can cuddle up with me and watch reality tv like American Idol and The Real World. Someone who likes new contemporary christian music. Someone who has never heard of James Brown. Double bonus points for notorious murderers. Someone who's never heard of Dr Dre and has no idea what a forty is. Someone to say "I love you" to me right before she dumps me.

A willingness to try new things is a major turn off for me. Exploration of life outside my comfort zone and curiosity seeking adventurers upset me. I would be tickled pink to meet someone who thinks dinosaurs roamed the planet with Jesus just a few thousand years ago. Carbon dating is for cynics.

Ideally, this person would be ignorant, unbalanced, illiterate, possibly a racist, definitely a man hater, and preferably ugly. Really ugly. Are you that special someone? I bet you are!!!

 

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