Louisville Mojo: Bad things to name your twins

Want to hear some really bad twin names?

Last week, The New York Times Magazine featured an interview with Harry Markopolos, the Bernie Madoff whistleblower. The best part was deliciously off-topic. He has twins whom he named: "Harry Louie" and "Louie Harry."

That? That is terrible.

Every year, the Social Security Administration gets a lot of attention when it releases its ranking of popular baby names. But they also release a companion list that gets less attention -- the ranking of twin names.

I have to say, I find this list deeply disturbing. There is far too much matchy-matchy twin nonsense on the list.

Consider Taylor and Tyler (the number 5 most popular twin combination.) Or Christian and Christopher (number 25.)

CHRISTian and CHRISTopher? Seriously? It's practically the SAME NAME.

Come on people.

Then there's number 85 on the list: Adrian and Adriana.

Great.

Sibling names, especially twin names, should sound like they belong to the same family, certainly. You don't want to name one child Cosmos and the other Darren.

Of course, no rule is absolute. There is room for individual taste and judgment. Maybe you have a good REASON to give your twins wildly disparate names.

Still, even if Cosmos and Darren are named after their grandfathers -- lovely though the sentiment may be -- I would avoid it. If you're the kid named Darren, you're going to have issues. And if you're the one name Cosmos? Yeah, you will too.

Likewise, Gabriella and Madge would be a bad combination.

But while you want names that seem to "fit together" -- here is the critical point: You really want to avoid matchy, matchy names like many of those that dot the twin name list. I know those kind of names were once in fashion, but then people wised up.

Come on. Show some imagination.

Matchy-matchy in sound is bad: Jayden and Jaylen (number 27).

Matchy-matchy in theme is bad: Summer and Autumn (number 57). Faith and Hope (number 14).

So extremely matchy-matchy that they share a nickname is very bad: Alexander and Alexis (number 87.)

Harry Louie/Louie Harry? I'm sorry. You can not come up with a scenario in which I'm going to give my blessing to that. Name one child Harry and one Louie and move on.

However, the worst in the list is Number 75, which has a hidden sort of matchy-matchy.

The combination is: Heaven and Nevaeh. If you're unfamiliar with the name Nevaeh, it's.... Heaven spelled backwards.

Well, isn't that wonderful. "Here's our daughter Heaven and that's her backwards sister."

The fact that one set of twin parents thought that was a good idea baffles me -- that 14 did in a single year? Heaven help us.

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J.S. Holland tue mar 09 2010 at 9:05 am ·


	And then there's George Foreman, who has five sons, all of whom are named... "George". He also has a daughter named... "Georgetta". headdesk

VeggieMomster tue mar 09 2010 at 9:13 am ·


	OMG, this is ridiculously funny. I was getting up to stir my oatmeal when I read about Cosmos and Darren, and I lost all the strength in my legs as I LOL'd. I'm not a fan of pluralized names. I knew a girl when I was a kid named Summers. Yack. And, I met a kid recently named Rivers. How about just River? Is he so special that he gets to be multiple rivers at one time? He can't share? That "zuh" I have to udder at the end gives me duckface, and might wrinkle my lips in the long run.

VeggieMomster tue mar 09 2010 at 9:14 am ·


	LMFAO... ahem, I meant "utter" of course. Funny, since I was pecking away with one finger while breastfeeding. My bad.

Beverly Bartlett tue mar 09 2010 at 9:35 am ·


	That's funny, I named a book character "Hughes" once, because I thought his family seemed like the pretentious sort of people that would think one Hugh was not enough. ;-) J.S.: I know this is one of my more obnoxious opinions but (in general) I'm not a big fan of people naming their kids after themselves. Another family member? Sure, but yourself? So you can only imagine what I think about naming ALL your kids after yourelf. Good grief. Plus, if you had to go that way Georgia is so much better than Georgetta! ;-)

rob tue mar 09 2010 at 10:38 am ·


	I carry the III suffix. That's why I named my kid Gandhi. I'm waiting for someone who personally knows the Jell-O twins - Oranjelo and Lemonjelo - to chime in. My cousin Phil had them in an Arizona 4H camp. My aunt Barbara's friend babysat them in Marion County, Kentucky. My friend Karly's mom was working in University Hospital when they were born. The only thing is, they don't exist. They're like the mythical Midgetville out in Shepherdsville.

George Smith #325659 tue mar 09 2010 at 10:46 am ·


	Who cares about twins names or Bernie Madoff? Amway has ripped off millions of people for several decades, to the tune of 10s of billions of dollars: Amway is a scam, and here's why: Amway pays out as little money as they can get away with, so they support the higher level IBOs ripping off their downline via the tool scam. As a result, about 99% of IBOs operate at a net loss, while the top 1% make several TIMES more from their Amway tool scam than from the Amway products. This was made illegal in the UK in 2008, but our FTC is unable to pull their heads out of their butts to stop it here. Read about it on my blog, I suggest you start here: http://tiny.cc/D5oJh and forward the information to everyone you know, so they don't get scammed.

Beverly Bartlett tue mar 09 2010 at 11:06 am ·


	If I had twins, I'd named them: Am and Way.

Sherry Deatrick tue mar 09 2010 at 11:23 am ·


	Beverly - you are hilarious. Great post. Buffy and Jody would be my pick for twin names (an homage to "Family Affair"). Even if my twins were the same sex, I'd name 'em Buffy and Jody. No matter if they were boys or girls. That's just how I roll.

rob tue mar 09 2010 at 11:26 am ·


	I'm hoping for quadruplet girls so I can name them Sophia, Blanche, Rose and Dorothy.

Sherry Deatrick tue mar 09 2010 at 11:31 am ·


	hey Rob - do you know why drag queens prefer to impersonate Dorothy instead of Rose?

rob tue mar 09 2010 at 11:32 am ·


	It's probably a lot easier for them. Since Bea Arthur has left us, I'm going to leave it at that.

LadyD tue mar 09 2010 at 11:35 am ·


	"But while you want names that seem to "fit together" My question is why do they have to seem to "fit together"? I have identical twin boys....they are individuals....they treat them any other way. They don't have rhyming names (Jeffrey and Christopher) they don't dress alike (I can count on one hand how many times they have dressed alike). They are individuals and thus should be treated as such!

J.S. Holland tue mar 09 2010 at 11:36 am ·


	Why no Sherry, why DO drag queens prefer to impersonate Dorothy instead of Rose?

rob tue mar 09 2010 at 11:37 am ·


	Sorry, Sherry, I missed the opening.

Beverly Bartlett tue mar 09 2010 at 11:38 am ·


	Twin names should fit together the same way that any siblings names have fit together. If you name one daughter an ultra cool name like Isabella and name her sister Bertha .... it's just wrong. Jeffrey and Christopher do fit together I think.... They're not matchy-matchy, but they don't sound like the parents were bipolar either! I'm also eager to hear about the drag queen issue.

Sherry Deatrick tue mar 09 2010 at 11:43 am ·


	Why no, Rob, that's not it! It's because no man is a Nylund. Badonk donk.

J.S. Holland tue mar 09 2010 at 11:44 am ·


	vaudeville music

ToschaLynn tue mar 09 2010 at 12:43 pm ·


	I completely agree. Being a mom of twins myself I couldn't imagine naming my kids any of the above names.. My twins are more traditional and I feel sorry for any child who has to go through life explaining the not-so-through-descisions of their parents.

rob tue mar 09 2010 at 1:11 pm ·


	So you're a mother of twins?

ToschaLynn tue mar 09 2010 at 1:16 pm ·


	If the last comment was directed toward me, then yes I am a mother of 3 yr old twin boys. Who I couldnt be prouder of!

frogbert tue mar 09 2010 at 3:24 pm ·


	Twins are kind of creepy. Thanks Brian De Palma and your 1973 movie "Sisters" for ruining most male fantasies for me.

Beverly Bartlett tue mar 09 2010 at 3:42 pm ·


	Frogbert and Bragi! (You all actually do look alike.)

frogbert tue mar 09 2010 at 3:46 pm ·


	He used to be a growth on my shoulder. I'm so proud of how far he's come since we were seperated!

Sherry Deatrick tue mar 09 2010 at 4:07 pm ·


	Not all twins are creepy but they sure did fascinate Mengele. Now, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are pretty scary. Esp. in this 1933 film, voiced by Jack Oakie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXiZ-qqXqj4

Beverly Bartlett tue mar 09 2010 at 4:22 pm ·


	I feel the need to disassociate myself with the twin as creepy thing. I don't think twins are creepy at all. I think they're cool!

rob tue mar 09 2010 at 4:27 pm ·


	Have you seen The Shining?

frogbert tue mar 09 2010 at 4:34 pm ·


	I used to hang out with a couple of twins named Dale and Gale. I liked Gale a little better because, well, that's my middle name so we had kind of a connection there. When everyone in school started calling him Girly-Man because of his Girly-Name, i disassociated myself with both of those creepy guys.

Liz Wynter #322763 tue mar 09 2010 at 7:11 pm ·


	I once knew a guy named Suk-Bum. It was pronounced exactly as you might think. Neveah isn't looking too bad after that.

GtownGuy wed mar 10 2010 at 12:41 am ·


	My Dad had a twin sister - no rhyming names. Otherwise, the only twins I have ever really known in over 60 years were sisters named Sue & Lou. Lou's first name was actually Nina, pronounced with a long i. Or was that Sue's first name?? Had to really concentrate just to tell them apart.

Jello Puddin Pop wed mar 10 2010 at 10:17 pm ·


	Yea I definetly feel sorry fa people wit matchy matchy names as I'm stucky wit one and I kno wha its like......Kena n Jenna!

shmecky sun mar 14 2010 at 8:56 pm ·


	I am so late to this blog... but when my sister was pregnant with twins, she wanted to give them family names. Our grandfather's name was Asa, and she didn't want to name either of them that. So I suggested his middle name - Clark. And then it hit me - Clark and Kent! (Bragi, we are on the same wavelength) She didn't like my suggestion, so she has a Conner and a Caleb.

Beverly Bartlett mon mar 15 2010 at 10:26 am ·


	That story reminds me of this interesting name issue: How to honor relatives who don't have that great of names! I've heard interesting solutions over the years. Ina becomes Nina. That sort of thing.

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