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Hey man, I know its been a long time since my last entry, and I aint saying shit about much of it, but it has been a hell of an experience, and a learning experience at that.
But I am doing good, and at least alive, down, but not out, and not giving up anyway, so Im good for the fight, and I am also single, been single for five months now, since I caught my girl cheating, or having an affair, whatever she wants to call it, on me with some Midget at her work, so shit got pretty ugly and yeah thats about it.
Im not really interested in any women out there anyway, because Im kinda busy right now trying to get my life back in order, and get my family back too, because Im not used to being alone, and that kinda sucks.
It has been a long and hard ride these past four years, but it wasnt all bad, and it wasnt always my fault in matters, and I loved her with all of my heart, through the good times, and the bad times, up until the end, and I still love her, but my heart has been crushed, and its in the repair shop folks.
I have learned that I cannot change what people may think of me, either good or bad, but i dont care anymore because if they arent talking to me anymore because of what they heard, then they werent my true friends to begin with, and thats ok, becuz I have some new friends now, theyre cool as fuck, I got some old friends around me too, they are my true friends becuz they dont judge me and I dont judge them.
A lot of people ask me if I sitll love my ex, even after everything that has happend, and of course I tell them yes, and its true, she was the only woman I ever fell in love with, even though I was married previously for 16 years, I was never in love with my wife as I was with my ex.
Of course I miss her, she was my best friend, shes the one I cared for the most, even if I didnt show it all the time, it wasnt easy being able to open up to her sometimes, and I would have done anyhting for her but things changed, and along the way someone else was invited into the picture, and it wasnt by me.
Right now Im not sure which fork in the road to take, or should I wait for her to choose?
The crossroads in my life are here, and it is a difficult one to choose, cuz either way I choose may be the only one I can choose without her going down that road with me, and that s the hardest choice to make right now, and im stuck at this intersection right now anyway because my truck isnt working and my foot is healing.
I know it sounds like an old western movie or something, where the cowboy comes home to find out his wife has been kidnapped and taken for ransom and hes gotta go through hell to get her back, or something like that, and to tell you the truth, it kinda is like that but instead of there being a happy ending, there just may not be one to this story, and thats ok cuz sometimes when you lose someone, its best to just let them go.
Sometimes if you love someone sooooooooo much, you have to let them go and see if they love you as much to return to you, if not, then you will know, that they never loved you as much as you loved them.
But if you have ever believed in true love, and unconditional love, then you will know that love never dies, but hope does, and sometimes you just have to let go of that person in your life, that you love so much, because of the hope that was lost waiting for them to return.
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Sexy_Tx_Cowboy