Louisville Mojo: Ugh...

I don't like waking up from a very fuzzy edged dream only to realise,
It wasn't.

I don't like waking up to find myself strapped to a gurney,
In the hospital where I work.

I don't like having my clothes removed,
By people I work with everyday.

I don't like being outside of me...
Watching others working on my body-

From the corner of the room and wondering
WTF I wont' just get up.

I dont' like feeling as if my entire body has fallen asleep,
Tingly, as if each cell is electrified.

I don't like voices from a dark tunnel, voices I know somehow,
Asking me the same questions repeatedly.

I dont' like not being able to find my own voice,
In order to answer them, so they will shut up.

I don't like not knowing what is wrong with me,
And realising, that THEY don't know either.

I don't like sort of waking up in a familar (or unfamilar) ER,
And hearing the ER doc say,
"She needs to get better, she has to cook our dinner in a couple weeks!"

I don't like losing track of time,
Ever.
I do it well enough on my own when I am well.

I dont' like realising I have basically been 'plugged in',
With wires, tubes, IV's and other types of psychedelic spaghetti tangled up and thru myself.

I dont' like being told that stress has taken its toll on me-
Stress? My life is hectic, adventurous, NOT stressful.

I don't like having the doctors',
Beg to differ with me.

I don't like having insulin slammed into me almost every hour
To bring down a blood sugar level
I didn't realise was out of control.

I dont like being told that I am going to have to use insulin
Twice a day
Maybe for life.

I don't like many (many) things-
But I am not particularly fond of Needles.

I dont like being dependent on ANYthing
Or ANYone-
Ever.

I know, the older you become,
The closer you get to your family's disease.

And in my almost 50yrs,
It has caught up with me.

I think I am going to have to do some re-thinking,
Re-calibrating, rearranging of my life.

And check a stress level I had no idea was killing me.
B/c one way or another,
THIS TOO- shall pass.

(I am NOT particuarly fond of Needles)

ADD A COMMENT

stephi sun jul 12 2009 at 11:07 am ·


	I'm so very sorry you have had to go through this. Hopefully this is a wake up call for you. You do need to get better for yourself and the ones that love you. You have your whole life ahead of you. Hugs.

ADD A COMMENT

blogs: SparKy's Cerebral Sewage..