you don't have to hotbox to just say, hi. Buck up and be fucking original, pansy ass. here is a big ole hint; if you make me LAUGH, u probably have a shot at a response.
i don't date. i'm not looking for anything nor anyone, male or female. expectation is the solid key to disappointment.
i'm not pretty. i have hair and a soul that's 16 yers old, i smell good, i wear dope clothes. but i'm not a pretty girl. thanks, but nope.
i'm a writer. it's what i do. it's who i am, maybe, even. that puts me on the chopping block of critique. but i also have noi self esteem so can ya take it easy on me?
if you are an asshole, don't waste my time trying to do that sick sociopathic shit of being my friend and stabbing me in the back just to watch me bleed. it isn't necessary and i really have no blood to give.
i'm capable of college level grammar and spelling. but i'm lazy and ignore all the rules.
you don't know me. don't address me like you do.
don't speak to me through a week of hotbox messages then bail out the night of a date. come on dude, i'm just a girl. that's all. don't make up your mind to be intimidated until after you meet me and i chose whether or not to make you embrace your inadequacies.
i'm particularly not on here to get laid. it's overrated and i'm just not down with casual sex.
yes, the grammar is dispensible, it is the energy behind your writing that makes it fresh (and delicious!) your prose is more fully realized than your poetry, but the emotion is palpable in both...keep writing, it is wonderful!
I knew if I kept digging, I would find the underlying reasons why it just wasn't going to get "all the way there"...
All the way to love, being your girlfriend, I see it now, I found the answer...and though it isn't comforting, it's the one time my emo archelogy did not warrant answers I wished I hadn't gotten.
So little you speak of dealing with personal issues. So much I don't know about your family and upbringing and thoughts on your future. But I never knew you wanted A FAMILY. I never saw you as a man who wanted to lead a traditional 2.5 kids minivan manicured yard kind of life.
But, now that I know that, I feel...
Uhm...
Embarassed. That I wanted to be with you so bad and kept trying to get through what kept holding you at a distance, and this whole time, it's because you couldn't just tell me about that. Granted there is no easy way to say, "I want kids and you are past this in your life, already having them and empty nesting now". But don't you think that would have been much less cruel than watching me squirm and struggle and make an ass of myself trying to figure you out?
Of all the times I'd been used as a time killer til someone better comes along, it's never been as epic as being the time killer til your future babyu mama walks in the door. Jesus.
Glad I know. Doesn't make things hurt any less. Isn't comforting that I have nothing, NOTHING, in common with any men my age that are in the same stage of life as me...
And doesn't stop me from feeling about you like I do. But clearly, letting you go was doing you a favor.
sometimes
i smile when I think about you
but it is followed by a tear because
i know it will never be
and sometimes
whenI have some news or feel the blues
i wonder do you ever think of me
sometimes
i wonder how much longer
and exactly how much stronger
i need to be to make it through alone
and sometimes
i put on wrestling in the other room
and pour Axe in the tub and soon
it makes the whole house smell like you're home
sometimes
i accept things are they way they are
knowing you really aren't that far
away from me and maybe things will change
but all the time
it's become apparent that's not true
all i have is to love you
but for me your life will never rearrange...
do you ever miss me at all?
i hope so...just maybe, just a little,
Dear ____,
All I have is to ask your forgivness, as I didnt think I was capable of love again.
All I have are the sparse moments you give me and treat me like your buddy, as I play along just to be near you, when I'm reallky dying inside.
All I have are the excruciating moments that I struggle through on a daily basis, non stop craving you and your time and your presence...
All I have is work, a few dollars, a pleasant roof over my head, a handful of true friends, the love of my family, peace and quiet in my daily life, and the horror I live and relive every day when I have to live my life knowing you will never be mine.
cars
homes
jobs
health
one of my paintings
Sand&Sanguine