Today was one of those melancholy days. Nothing particularly wrong in my life - just felt really blue.
I've always had a sunny disposition. As a kid, I was always laughing hard and enjoying life. I was clueless about the things that brought my older sister down, for example. Those feelings of hopelessness were alien to me.
But every once-in-a while...
There were times when I felt sad and powerless to change it. Sunday afternoons during the school year. The "down" after an exciting event like relatives leaving after visiting for the holidays or returning to school after vacationing at Disneyland. One of my least favorite memories comes from the weather back in my hometown of Toledo - the fairly bright but overcast days. I called them "white days."
During these times, it almost didn't matter what I was doing, or whom I was with - I felt hopeless and alone. We used to ski at this man-made molehill called "Mt. Brighton" in Michigan. I loved it, but I remember days when it was just sad. Even Disneyland, my childhood home away from home, had occasional bouts of gloom, and I felt powerless to change them. Most importantly, I felt completely alone. I sort of feel that way anyway, because I don't fit in.
Today was a gloomy day. I was at work, busy and not in an unpleasant environment. But I felt a sadness I couldn't shake. I felt alone, and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. You can't talk about those things at work. You have to act like you're feeling ok.
Tomorrow it will be all better. And Friday I know it will be better because I'm going to Florida. I hope it doesn't rain...
Sometimes I get so lonely. Sometimes I get nowhere.
That fateful day has come, although not the way I'd envisioned. Although I've only known her for 4 years, she was a part of the family. Quirky, yet uncomplicated, reliable, yet fun. My mini van has been with me through the tumultuous ride through graduate school, transporting my handicapped mother and stepdad to holiday functions, trips with the family, and a multitude of jaunts and excursions.
She had 174000 miles when I bought her, and close to 215,000 when she died. I was going for 300k+, but it was not to be...
What happened, you may well ask? What finally shattered the dream? Well, hubby has been driving my old friend since his car was totalled from an accident a few months ago. It began overheating again this morning - I'd taken this to get fixed two or three times already - new radiator, new thermostat - this should not have happened. Anyhow, I met him at work to follow him home just in case. The van overheated, he pulled to the side, and put in antifreeze.
We started again - very short distance between the 2 lane section of Snyder near 42 and the Thornton's in Prospect - and as I followed, the van began to smoke. We pulled up, and he parked in front of Thorntons. I pulled in to fill up my tank while we figured out what to do next. Then I noticed sparks beneath the front of the car...
The sparks continued, despite a fire extinguisher. Eventually, the front was up in flames. Smoke spread out and everyone cleared the parking lot. Inhaling some of the fumes, I moved my car out of the way. I was also afraid there might be an explosion considering the proximity of the gas pumps.
Most of my friends know that I have an insatiable curiosity about human anomalies, such as conjoined twins, hermaphrodites, and human chimera. I was fortunate enough to find out about the Mutter Museum in Philly a few years ago - a medical museum with curiosities gleaned from the earliest years of American medicine. Ran into a Phillies fan today - that's what got me thinking about it.
I wonder how many people know where the term "rot-gut" comes from? It was explained on the tour of the Mutter museum that in the 17th and 18th centuries, it was considered sacrilege to dissect human cadavers. Thus the medical colleges of those years often resorted to a black market trade in cadavers robbed from graves. The grave robbers often stored the cadavers in barrels of whiskey, both to hide and ostensibly preserve them. After the corpses were delivered, these entrepreneurs would sell the whiskey to college students to make extra money on the side. Nice, huh?
Came to a decision today. I'm not applying to other doctoral programs for now. It is a huge relief. After my defeat in that arena last year, I am not ready to go that route again.
I think my next move might be law school. I figure with my MBA and some language courses, I'd like to get involved in international trade law. Now to decide on a language...
cars
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Louisville at night 3
That fateful day has come, although not the way I'd envisioned. Although I've only known her for 4 years, she was a part of the family. Quirky, yet uncomplicated, reliable, yet fun. My mini van has been with me through the tumultuous ride through graduate school, transporting my handicapped mother and stepdad to holiday functions, trips with the family, and a multitude of jaunts and excursions. 
boudicca