I realize that some of you believe you have already availed yourselves of an outlet for this modern stress-generating phenomenon. Of course, you are the same people who fail to realize that carrying a concealed weapon is illegal or that it's nearly impossible to aim a shoulder-held rocket launcher while driving in rush hour traffic. You may be well beyond the help of anyone. But, on the off-chance that you're not, read this and perhaps it will help you avoid that prison term looming in your future.
I propose that we make available to the public both front grill- and rear bumper- mounted paintball gun-type equipment. Ideally, the swivel device that each apparatus would be mounted on would allow each one to rotate a full 180 degrees so that the victims……er…….recipients of our expressions of dismay could be reached even if located off to our right or left.
So far as ammunition is concerned, there would be various types available for purchase. To begin with, all paint supplies would be water soluble so those folks on the receiving end may get rid of their vehicle-based scarlet letters with reasonable ease and have the opportunity to begin anew as courteous drivers once they've eliminated the evidence of their vehicular transgressions. Potentially, they would not have to be 'recipients' for very long before learning just what they are doing wrong—AND correcting it. Of course, those who commit a plethora of transgressions will spend a great deal of time and effort on personal car care—at least starting out.
Along with being water soluble, ammunition would be available in different types. The least expensive one would be the standard paintball ammo already currently available on the market. More upscale versions would be developed and sold at higher prices which would be driven by their specificity as well as the complexity of their associated manufacturing process.
I suggest we use a variety of symbols to express our displeasure with the Road Idiots we encounter. There could be a package of symbols that do our name-calling for us. The names we ascribe to our fellow drivers could simply be represented by a single letter, i.e. B for bitch, I for idiot, D for dickhead, etc. A pretty simple system, but still potentially effective.
Another package option could consist of graphic symbols. For instance, a picture of a mule could mean ass; a picture of a penis means dick. Of course, whether graphically- or alphabetically-based we would also have packages which are rated to match our particular vernacular. These would use a rating system similar to those used for movies or video games. I would suggest the following ratings: A denoting adult - for packages containing profanity; P denoting prude – for packages without profanity; N denoting nicely nasty – for those who aren't prudes but are reluctant to join the adults. To clarify how this system would work, one example of the same sentiment expressed by the 3 different packages would be: Package A – an S for shithead; Package G – a J for jerk; and Package N – a P for poopyhead.
Of course, along with this new line of consumer products, we would need some laws to govern the use of the equipment and its ammo. Considering just some of the possibilities…it would be illegal to alter the trajectory of the launching apparatus, thereby allowing one to essentially launch at the offending vehicles' windows and potentially interfering with the driver's line of sight, thereby rendering him/her even more of a Road Hazard than he/she already may be. It would also be a crime to launch our expressions of displeasure at motorcyclists and bicyclists, as they are not afforded the same physical protection as drivers of enclosed vehicles. And, it should probably also be illegal to launch at pedestrians—no matter how tempting.
Such a system would give us an outlet to vent our frustrations sans violence, perhaps making the roads safer for us all—maybe lowering our blood pressures simultaneously. So there could also be some health benefits inherent in the use of such equipment.
For those of you chomping at the bit, money clutched in your fists, ready to be the first in line to obtain this system—CHILL! The product and ammunition is still in the research and development stages. I will keep you posted as we near the point of actual manufacture. In the meantime, if you think of anything that could improve this innovation, please let me know. Of course, you will need to sign and submit the attached release allowing me to utilize your brilliant idea(s), without incurring any obligation whatsoever to you, monetary or otherwise.
I realize that some of you believe you have already availed yourselves of an outlet for this modern stress-generating phenomenon. Of course, you are the same people who fail to realize that carrying a concealed weapon is illegal or that it's nearly impossible to aim a shoulder-held rocket launcher while driving in rush hour traffic. You may be well beyond the help of anyone. But, on the off-chance that you're not, read this and perhaps it will help you avoid that prison term looming in your future.
I propose that we make available to the public both front grill- and rear bumper-mounted paintball gun-type equipment. Ideally, the swivel device that each apparatus would be mounted on would allow each one to rotate a full 180 degrees so that the victims……er…….recipients of our expressions of dismay could be reached even if located off to our right or left.
So far as ammunition is concerned, there would be various types available for purchase. To begin with, all paint supplies would be water soluble so those folks on the receiving end may get rid of their vehicle-based scarlet letters with reasonable ease and have the opportunity to begin anew as courteous drivers once they've eliminated the evidence of their vehicular transgressions. Potentially, they would not have to be 'recipients' for very long before learning just what they are doing wrong—AND correcting it. Of course, those who commit a plethora of transgressions will spend a great deal of time and effort on personal car care—at least starting out.
Along with being water soluble, ammunition would be available in different types. The least expensive one would be the standard paintball ammo already currently available on the market. More upscale versions would be developed and sold at higher prices which would be driven by their specificity as well as the complexity of their associated manufacturing process.
I suggest we use a variety of symbols to express our displeasure with the Road Idiots we encounter. There could be a package of symbols that do our name-calling for us. The names we ascribe to our fellow drivers could simply be represented by a single letter, i.e. B for bitch, I for idiot, D for dickhead, etc. A pretty simple system, but still potentially effective.
Another package option could consist of graphic symbols. For instance, a picture of a mule could mean ass; a picture of a penis means dick. Of course, whether graphically- or alphabetically-based we would also have packages which are rated to match our particular vernacular. These would use a rating system similar to those used for movies or video games. I would suggest the following ratings: A denoting adult - for packages containing profanity; P denoting prude – for packages without profanity; N denoting nicely nasty – for those who aren't prudes but are reluctant to join the adults. To clarify how this system would work, one example of the same sentiment expressed by the 3 different packages would be: Package A – an S for shithead; Package G – a J for jerk; and Package N – a P for poopyhead.
Of course, along with this new line of consumer products, we would need some laws to govern the use of the equipment and its ammo. Considering just some of the possibilities…it would be illegal to alter the trajectory of the launching apparatus, thereby allowing one to essentially launch at the offending vehicles' windows and potentially interfering with the driver's line of sight, thereby rendering him/her even more of a Road Hazard than he/she already may be. It would also be a crime to launch our expressions of displeasure at motorcyclists and bicyclists, as they are not afforded the same physical protection as drivers of enclosed vehicles. And, it should probably also be illegal to launch at pedestrians—no matter how tempting.
Such a system would give us an outlet to vent our frustrations sans violence, perhaps making the roads safer for us all—maybe lowering our blood pressures simultaneously. So there could also be some health benefits inherent in the use of such equipment.
For those of you chomping at the bit, money clutched in your fists, ready to be the first in line to obtain this system—CHILL! The product and ammunition is still in the research and development stages. I will keep you posted as we near the point of actual manufacture. In the meantime, if you think of anything that could improve this innovation, please let me know. Of course, you will need to sign and submit the attached release allowing me to utilize your brilliant idea(s), without incurring any obligation whatsoever to you, monetary or otherwise.
Don't know about you, but I believe in reincarnation. Yeah, I think that we all 'recycle' through this world over and over again, all the while learning lessons and evolving into more perfect creatures with each pass through. Unfortunately, while we become more perfect, we don't consciously remember our previous lives or their hardships and triumphs. Save for that occasional deja-vu incident, the particulars of each are lost to us, save for the lessons that we truly learned. That wisdom, we carry forward with us—thus our evolving process.
I also know, through my own personal experience, that people are wanting creatures. Take, for instance, the occupation/profession we pursue. I can't speak for everyone, but I've never felt content with just one--kinda like that potato chip can't-eat-just-one thing. So here lately, I've decided that I'll happily forego one of my “pass throughs” if I can just get one do-over—similar to the trade-in process many of us use when purchasing a new car. Except, in this instance, we trade-in one future life to essentially put our lives on rewind, go back to our younger days, and choose a different career path than the one we are currently on. And we don't even have to find financing for the transaction! It just costs us one future life and our credit scores remain unaffected. Of course, if the cosmos, in its infinite wisdom, decided to charitably give us a do-over without our having to trade-in one of our future lives, that would certainly be okay with me.
Actually, there are an abundance of reasons why I want a do-over, aside from the career aspect of life. I want to go to school fresh out of high school, or at least within a couple of years. That way, I can earn more money to enjoy during the years I spend learning that money isn't everything. I could, of course, use that money to buy a decent house. And my money would also allow me to change my house to suit my needs as they change, so I wouldn't ever have to move to a new house. I would also begin saving for retirement the moment I began my new and more lucrative career. And, considering the higher pay I would be earning, I would avoid credit cards, car loans, charge accounts, etc. by paying cash for everything except my mortgage. For the mortgage I would make sure I saved a large enough down payment that I could get the very lowest interest rate available anywhere.
The actual career path I would take in my rewound years is something I'm still pondering. I'd love to sing professionally, which raises a whole new question to address. After we rewind, would we be imbued with talents we did not have previously? If not, could we make arrangements to obtain them? Perhaps via a financial transaction? Which, of course, would mandate development of a new form of currency with which to complete the purchase—say, some kind of Cosmic Currency, since I'm sure the currencies used in reality would be totally inappropriate for such things. Besides which, it makes more sense to have a universal currency for use by anyone who chooses a do-over that involves a monetary transaction.
If the purchase of previously absent talents/skills was not an option, then I would definitely have to rethink my choice of career. Singing talent is something in which I am woefully lacking. Perhaps I could become a forensic psychologist—something I've always imagined would be fascinating to do. It just doesn't seem realistic to begin schooling for such an endeavor at my current age. I mean, the forensic psychologists who testify in court on Law and Order and other popular crime series have years of experience in the field which is what leads them to be considered experts in the first place. And why would anyone want to engage in a profession where they wouldn't be considered an expert—at least eventually.
In terms of my love life, I would delay marriage until much, much later in life—especially avoiding the losers that I previously and erroneously thought were good matches for me. Of course, one of the reasons I'd be able to do that would be the hard-won wisdom that I amassed during the previous, pre-rewind years—part of which includes the knowledge that what is inside a person matters much more than their outward appearance. Maybe I'd just 'use' the attractive men until I found one of real substance, being sure not to take the lookers too seriously. After all, attractive CAN be fun even if it isn't anything solid enough for the long term.
So far as my mental health is concerned, a change would be in order as well. I would, upon reaching adulthood and obtaining my own healthcare insurance, immediately begin therapy with a licensed counselor. Better to begin addressing any childhood issues that could have a negative impact on my adulthood BEFORE that impact actually takes place—what a novel idea!
Yep, a do-over sounds like a great idea to me, especially if I can have it while still retaining all the smarts I've absorbed up to this point.
Wow. This is a first. It seems that somehow, sometime during the nighttime hours, my autopilot went on the fritz. And you're probably thinking--How does she know this? It's simple. Upon arriving here at work, I was surprised to discover that I'm wearing the wrong shoes. Wrong shoes? If you are a woman, or mayhap a gay man, then you are more prone to understand this than the straight, and often homophobic, men are. Simply put? I have certain shoes that I wear with certain outfits. That's just the way I live. Some outfits are multi-talented and can support various pairs and styles of shoes, but not the one I am wearing today.
Today I am wearing a black, heeled, oxford style-shoe outfit. But, letting my autopilot get me ready this morning (being unaware that it was broken), I have arrived to work wearing a black, heeled, oxford style-shoe outfit with a brown, Earth shoe brand, lace-up, ankle boot. So it occurs to me…….Is it possible and/or likely that when the earthquake in Chile knocked the Earth a bit off its axis my autopilot ended up experiencing a delayed reaction to the trauma?
It would have to be explained by something pretty darned catastrophic, as my autopilot has never failed me before—at least not in matters of fashion. It is true that I sometimes turn it on while driving, and end up taking wrong turns when I'm going somewhere that's not part of my normal driving path. But that's merely due to a slight 'glitch' in my autopilot driver 3.0 program, and not the fault of my autopilot itself. After all, you know how this stuff works—garbage in, garbage out.
The worst part of having your autopilot screw up in the realm of fashion, as it has with my shoes, is that you then must grapple with the question of whether or not you can even manage to make it through the entire workday—it is such a severe blow to the psyche. And, of course, that leads to the need for pondering such profound questions as: Can I effectively play sick and go home? What kind of sick should I be? Would vomiting on the boss's shoes lend an air of truth to my story? Or would that be overkill? and Will the boss remember that I had to leave work unexpectedly two weeks ago due to defective, twisted underwear that kept 'sneaking up' on me annoyingly, thereby ruining my entire day?
It gives me a headache just thinking about the things I will have to think about in order to come to a decision on this situation. Perhaps I'll get lucky and the boss won't come in to work today. Of course, I don't wish anything bad to happen to her, maybe just something slightly irritating, but bad enough to make her want to take one of those mental health days………Aha! That headache I could give myself with this thinking thingie could be just the excuse that I need………I'll let you know how it works out—I know you'll be dying to hear.
awordqueen