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a 31 year old male recently pondered this: Will it really work?

I have been seeing this girl for almost a year now and it's mostly an online relationship. We see each other a few times every other week but never enough to be satisfied honestly. She is a single mother so I don't expect a lot but it seems like things are slowing down even though she says she loves me more and more. How do I get through to her without making her feel overwhelmed?
signed, lonely in the ville

Jean Valjean

A: Congratulations!

You're 31 and scraping the bottom of the dating pool barrel.

Single moms are usually more trouble than they are worth. HELLO! There is a reason why they are single and a mom!

The good news is you know she puts out.

The bad news is she's "indiscriminate" about who she reproduces with.

But I digress. (not really)

You never said what it is you want to "get through to her" about? I'm going to assume that's not a euphemism for your cock and is a euphemism for moving the relationship to a more serious long term level or more time together?

And the answer to that my friend is that you are going to have to start carrying her burdens so she can spend more time with you. This may mean bringing the kiddos on dates with you. Helping her around the house, fix her car, mow the lawn (the green one), etc. etc.

Also spending more time together might mean spending the night at her place. Not something I'd recommend unless you are very serious about her. Believe me kids don't like to see mommy banging a different dude every couple of months. It fucks with their heads and they are always wondering "Is THIS my new daddy?".

But it all starts with you telling her how you feel about her and letting her know you want to move forward. If she tells you that she's far too busy catching up to all her bad decisions then you'll have to offer to help her.

BTW I recommend that you not offer help in the form of cash. Seriously dude going down the road of making payments to women is a bad precedent to set. It may seem the most expedient way but believe me she will only treat you like a john in the long run.

- Jean Valjean

swissmiss

A: Long distance and online relationships are hard enough the way it is, and in your case, you're no longer willing to imagine the intimacy. You want the real thing.

But you're in a different position - you have actually met your sweetheart and see her fairly often. So it sounds like you need to tell her exactly what you just told us. "I'm not satisfied. Can I see you more often?"

If she says no, then you need to figure out if you're happier with her or without her. If the lack of intimacy is enough to make you pack your bags now, then tell her goodbye and look for someone local who has more time for you. Otherwise, make the most of the time you DO have with her and realize that the only future you have with a single mother is marriage and step-fatherhood. If you're not ready for that, be grateful that you still have your own life!

- swissmiss

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member comments

**KyMusician** Nov 7, 2009 at 9:51 am


	she is playing you man

DEADINTHESCENE Oct 29, 2009 at 1:38 pm


	Jean, it's not always the single mothers fault that she is single. Sometimes they left their baby daddy's for very good reasons. Don't be a tool dude!

Trisha, just me Oct 23, 2009 at 3:06 pm


	Whatever you do....don't listen to JeanVanDouche.

Nynaeve Oct 22, 2009 at 2:44 pm


	You know...there is a HUGE amount of irony in JVJ's "name," considering these comments, and where the name originated!

Strawberry Burns Oct 20, 2009 at 7:55 pm


	<--- Single Mom. Employed full time at a job that doesn't require me to ask "Would you like fries with that?". I volunteer off and on and coordinate donations for a worthy local cause. I'm an Artist. I serve on the Community Outreach Committee of Federally Employed Women. I'm proactive toward personal development. I'm very emotionally supportive. I'm also damn good in bed. I'm the bottom of the barrel HOW JUST EXACTLY?!?!

Spooky Response Oct 20, 2009 at 5:29 pm


	JVJ is swift to defend himself because he is desperate.Sorry JVJ, but I've met MANY women AND MEN on here who think you're a pile of shit. The way that you jumped to trash the question-poster's single mom in question and then jumped to trash Lady Neph's comment that states the obvious about you, just reinforces everything that everyone who has commented on this forum has said about you. You are a chauvinistic piece of shit.You shouldn't be giving advice on a forum.

Jean Valjean Oct 20, 2009 at 12:57 pm


	"JVJ says that single moms are singe because "they are trouble" Actually I said that they are trouble because they are single moms. There's a difference, but don't let it interrupt your pity party. Women file 85% of all divorces because men are so awful? But if that were true wouldn't that make them indiscriminate breeders? More likely those women prefer a relationship where they don't have to give anything back. Why buy the mule when you get the work for free?

Lady Nephyria Oct 19, 2009 at 9:43 pm


	Maybe there are some many single moms out there because of jackasses like JVJ! JVJ says that single moms are singe because "they are trouble"... This would imply that the man would've filed for divorce. BUT He said before that 80% of divorces are filed by women... Those two statements don't support each other at all! Don't listen to JVJ--he's jaded (I don't know--maybe his mom beat him.), bitter and a pig--he seizes any opportunity to take a swipe at women.

~RawBeanZ~ Oct 19, 2009 at 7:33 pm


	Proof: Internet Killed the Romance Star! Send her a Real Card or Real Flowers or its called Candle Light Dinner! Anything but the Inter(ference)net!!

G~ Oct 19, 2009 at 2:17 pm


	First off: ignore Jean. I'm a single mom but it's because i'm divorced from a cheating asshole. I work full time and have my daughter 75% of the time. It's hard as hell to balance it all. But if after a year you aren't as close as you want to be and she's still not sharing time, just sit and tell her. She can love you but it's not fair if you're emotional / physical needs aren't met.

SingingFire Oct 19, 2009 at 12:32 pm


	If you want to spend more time with this woman, you'll have to make arrangements for childcare while the two of you are on a date. You'll have to find a dependable sitter, you'll have to make the plans (i.e. buy tickets to a concert, make table reservations, book a room), you'll have to go out of your way a little to make this work. As a single mom, she has a lot on her plate. Offer to take her kids to the park for a day or take a little "family vacation". Good luck.

PandaWithaZ. Oct 19, 2009 at 10:45 am


	Many of us single moms are far from the bottom of the dating barrel. In fact, many of us have learned how to support ourselves and raise our children without the help of someone else. This makes us a little more picky as we don't require a male for financial stability. Because we have a child, we won't settle for just whatever comes along. If I'm interested in a guy, I make time for him. If I lose interest in him, then I don't. It has nothing to do with being a mom.

Dismissed! Oct 19, 2009 at 8:05 am


	Aw, you're a total keeper. Wish more guys out there were like you. Anyways, you need to tell her how you feel about her, but you need to prove to her you'll be around. While I dont agree with some of the things JVJ said (unless he was being facetious.. I hope so, cus the first part was just mean..) I do agree with what he said about taking the kids on dates sometimes, and spending the night. If you really care for her, there's a ton of ways you can create time. Good luck

GApeach1982 Oct 19, 2009 at 2:34 am


	First of all, single moms have so much on their plates that seeing her as often as you do could be seen as a blessing. There are many reasons why she is in the predicament she is in...i.e. widow, divorce, deadbeat father. I wouldn't hold that against her but I would take SwissMiss's advice and just be honest with her. You want to see her more than you do but that also may mean you have have to incorporate her children into the equation.

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